oh my giddy aunt page 5


The Pandorica Alliance dragged the Doctor into the Pandorica and the Pandorica closed as a bright white spotlight shined onto it. The stage lights dimmed and the curtains drew shut over the stage as Madam Kovarian walked on-stage. 

‘This is where you come in,’ she said. ‘You see, the Church of Silence blew up the TARDIS in the hope it killed the Doctor before he had the chance to answer the first question. However, as you just witnessed in musical form, the Doctor was actually underneath Stonehenge, forced roughly into the Pandorica by the Time Lord’s many enemies. We need you to help us prevent the Doctor from answering the oldest question in the universe. Already, we have someone in line to kill him. Now we just need reinforcements, should he manage to escape his inevitable death,’ 

‘It’s not as ‘inevitable’ as you think, Kovarian!’ shouted a male voice in the audience. 

Kovarian watched as two audience members lowered their hoods to reveal a man with curly silver hair sat next to a young brown-haired woman with a small round face. 

‘Surprise,’ he said, ‘I’m the Doctor,’ 

Another audience member lowered his hood to reveal the same physical appearance.

‘And me,’ 

One by one, the audience members pulled down their hoods to reveal the Doctor and chanted ‘And me’, as Kovarian stared back as if she had just been forced to eat a mountain of brussels sprouts. 

‘Now, I suggest you tell us who provided your information. Don’t you agree, Clara?’ 

‘About as much as I’d agree with anyone who says David Cameron is an idiot. Which means I absolutely, certainly, 100% agree,’ 

‘It was me. I did it. I supplied that information,’ said a familiar voice the Doctor recognised. 

A familiar figure walked down the gangway between seats towards them. Tegan Jovanka.

‘Tegan? You did this? Why?’ asked the Doctor. 

‘Why? Because I was fed up of all the death and destruction surrounding your adventures, that’s why. People need to be warned, Doctor. And you can’t even be bothered to give them one,’ Tegan moaned. 

‘Oh, don’t start all that nonsense. I only take those I feel confident can cope with it all,’ the Doctor said. 

‘Apart from when you kidnapped those two teachers. And what about your own granddaughter Susan? She made a right song and dance over the tiniest of things. I felt like giving her a right Australian bush whack when I read the files on her!’ pointed out Tegan. 

‘You don’t understand. I had no choice with Ian and Barbara. As for Susan, she was my only family. My parents abandoned me during a disagreement over my attendance at the Time Lord Academy. She was all I had left,’ 

‘Oh, boo hoo. Poor little old you,’ Tegan snorted. ‘Well, I don’t care anymore, Doctor. Good day to you,’ 

Tegan stormed out of the theatre. 

‘TEGAN!’ the Doctor called as he began to run out after her. 

~~~ 

The Doctor sprinted as Tegan walked towards one of many silver space shuttles lined up outside the theatre entrance. Outside was the vast exterior of space. The theatre was floating around it on a large asteroid, with no sign of any planets in the theatre’s radius. Floating behind the silver space shuttles was the TARDIS. Tegan jumped into one of the space shuttles and it sped off into space. Tegan was out of sight in the space of minutes. The Doctor sighed with disappointment and leapt towards the TARDIS. He landed roughly in the door and walked into the console room. Clara followed.

‘So, what are we going to do about the records?’ Clara asked. 

‘There’s not a lot we can do, Clara,’ the Doctor admitted. ‘We have no idea where Tegan got them and no clue where she’s heading. We can’t ask her and she most likely wouldn’t tell us. All we can do is tell the other versions of me created by my fall down my own time stream to search for the records. They may bear some clue as to where they originate from,’ 

‘So we entered the TARDIS just to leave again? Well, that made a whole lot of sense,’ 

‘Actually, we’re not going to them. They’re wearing earpieces. All I have to do is speak into this microphone (the Doctor pointed to a tiny microphone lying on the TARDIS console) and they will be able to hear me,’ 

The Doctor clipped the microphone onto his cardigan. 

‘Hello, Doctors!’ He called. ‘Can you hear me?’ 

The Doctors looked up and said as one ‘We can!’ 

~~ 

Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor laughed and clapped his hands in enthusiasm. 

‘Now, what I need you to do is split up. Go your separate ways and search the entire theatre. What you’re looking for is a pile of official papers on me. Probably bundled together. Got that?’ 

A resounding  ‘Yes!’ came from the other end. 

~~~ 

One of the Doctors walked towards a wooden door. The wooden door contained the name ‘Madam Kovarian’ in bold black letters. The Doctor quietly pushed the door open and entered. 

Inside was a large mirror surrounded by around eleven light bulbs. In front of the mirror was a wooden desk, on top of which was the large pile of papers the original Doctor had described. The Doctor picked them up. 

‘Doctor, it’s from UNIT. Tegan has got at least some of the records from UNIT,’ He said, then flicked through the papers and spotted more UNIT logos. ‘Make that all,’ 

The Doctor spotted a laptop laid on the red carpet floor. He knelt down and pressed the power button, before clicking on an Outlook shortcut labelled ‘Emails’. The Doctor scrolled down until he found exactly what he was looking for. An email from Tegan reading ‘I have the records’

‘She found the records on Sunday the fifteenth of March twenty fourteen,’ the Doctor said into the earpiece, before falling silent as the door creaked open and Madam Kovarian entered. 

‘Having fun, Doctor?’ 

~~~ 

Tegan walked up to the blond-haired woman stood in front of the Tower of London. 

‘You must be Tegan, I presume?’ asked the woman, extending an arm to Tegan. 

Tegan replied by offering her arm also and shook hands. 

‘I sure am. Nice to meet you, er…?’ 

‘Kate Lethbridge Stewart,’ she introduced. ‘I’m in charge around here,’ 

‘I can certainly see that,’ 

‘So, what exactly brings you here, Miss Jovanka?’ Kate asked. 

‘You explore extra-terrestial activity, I assume you’ll have files on the Doctor?’ Tegan asked. 

‘We have more than that. Here at UNIT, we have a long association with the Doctor. He’s been both a scientific advisor and a close friend of my family,’ Kate said, smiling. ‘I could see if anyone has heard from him recently if you like,’ 

‘No, I just need your files,’ Tegan said. 

‘Our files are for UNIT personnel only. Sorry,’ 

‘I’m a friend of the Doctor’s. I used to travel with him. Please, I need them,’ she begged. 

‘Our UNIT staff will put you through a lie detector first. You must understand. We are a top secret government organisation. We can’t afford to take risks,’ 

Two UNIT soldiers dressed in black combat gear walked out from the tower of London and grabbed Tegan roughly, pulling her towards the tower. 

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