The Doctor whirled to the console panel housing the
telephone. He reached for the receiver and then stopped. ‘Phone…’
‘Phone?’ Amy asked.
‘I’ve just realized. It isn’t here.’
She pointed at the console. ‘Er, it’s there.’
‘No, no, my mobile,’ the Doctor replied, his face drifting
away, his mind searching. ‘I haven’t seen it for ages…’
‘So?’
‘Well, I just suddenly got the feeling I’ve left it
somewhere I shouldn’t. If it’s at the wrong point in a life-form’s history it
could alter the course of its science and technology. Alter history – damage
the time-line of established events...
One minute earlier
The Doctor threw the “GO!” lever and the TARDIS’s engines
roared. ‘So! Off you pop, grab your cossie
and your beach bag and – Geronimo!’
Was he serious? Amy wondered. ‘You’re not gonna change?’
‘No.’
‘You said it’s got two suns. In tweed and boots you’re gonna
bake!’
‘Apples and oranges!’ the Doctor replied, winking. ‘Human and Time
Lord! Step across that big blue threshold, Amy, and boom! You’re through the
looking glass – different bodies, different rules. Same reason I won’t need any
shades or the Dual UV Cream we’ll have to pick up for you.’
Amy rolled her eyes. ‘Yeah, well, your body doesn’t have a
shame gland, that’s for sure. Please tell me that, at some point, you’ll be
losing the – ’
‘Keep trying, Pond!’ the Doctor laughed. ‘Smear the gear all
you want, it’s staying put!’
‘Oh, I’ll wear ya down,’ she said teasingly.
‘Ha! Not a chance.’ He tweaked the tie. ‘Bow – ties – are –
the – best and this one doesn’t come off for anyone. Besides, Space Florida’s
one of the very latest holiday spots. Everything built yesterday. I wanna hit
them with some old skool cool.’
‘OK, whatever.’ What do you do with someone, she thought,
who despite all the evidence, is convinced he’s the galaxy’s slickest looking
dude? ‘But I’m not giving up, mister. So, tell me more about it.’
‘Oh, they’ve got the lot: Pool bars the size of the Dead
Sea! Air Surfing in the lower atmosphere! Anti-grav Crazy Golf’s my favourite.
You really haven’t lived until you’ve knocked a floating golf ball through a
floating windmill. Trust me. You’ll be smiling for three days straight. In
fact, I’ll phone ahead, book our spot now. It’s very popular.’
The Doctor whirled to the console panel housing the
telephone. He reached for the receiver and then stopped. ‘Phone…’
‘Phone?’ Amy said.
‘I’ve just realized, it isn’t here.’
She pointed at the console. ‘Er, it’s there.’
‘No, no, my mobile,’ the Doctor replied, his face drifting
away, his mind searching. ‘I haven’t seen it for ages…’
‘So?’
‘Well, I just suddenly got the feeling I’ve left it
somewhere I shouldn’t. If it’s at the wrong point in a life-form’s history it
could alter the course of its science and technology. Alter history – damage
the time-line of established events...’ The Doctor smiled suddenly. ‘Or,
actually – let’s not over dramatize – it could just be around here somewhere.
I’ll give it a ring. With any luck the phone’ll be in one of my bits’n’bobs cabinets. You know me,
always dumping stuff there and forgetting what I’ve done with it. Have a
listen, would you?’
‘Actually, I’ve never even seen you with a phone. When was
the last time you had one?’
‘One of my first test flights in the new TARDIS,’ the Doctor
said, picking up the receiver. ‘Just before I came back for you.’
Amy went down the stairs behind the console dais and
followed the wall to the line of wooden storage lockers. ‘Ah, it’s ringing…’
she heard a moment later and began to patrol the row, straining to catch the
ring-tone. But there was nothing. ‘I can’t hear anything.’
‘OK, Amy.’
As she came up the stairs the Doctor was plugging the
receiver into an outlet. ‘What are you doing?’
He grinned, patting the console. ‘This clever, brilliant and
amazing old thing can track the phone from the connection.’
‘Cool.’ The sweet, goofy thing the TARDIS always brought out
in him was adorable and never failed to make Amy smile.
‘What?’
‘Nothing, just you and the TARDIS, the galaxy’s great love
story.’
‘And who could blame me when she’s so loveable? Aren’t you,
dear?’ The Doctor flicked a trio of toggle switches beneath the outlet and
studied one of a cluster of adjacent read-outs. ‘Here we are, OK…Earth. 7th
June, 1679. Hurrah! That’s a relief.’
‘What d’you mean?’
‘Well, given that on Earth the mobile phone arrived in the
1980s, there’s such a technological gulf between the seventeenth and twentieth
centuries it means there’s no way mine could accelerate its invention before
the right time. If the phone were nearer the late twentieth century the dangers
would be far greater.’
‘Have you changed your mind? You’re not going to fetch it?’
‘Oh no, I don’t want to leave it there. The risks are
minimized but it still shouldn’t be there. You know what things are like around
me, all sorts might happen.’ The Doctor moved a fingertip across the read-out.
‘Right, OK, narrowing down the location… France… Paris. Oh, of course!
Should’ve realized! It’s Louis. Right, two shakes and we’re there.’
‘Louis?’
The Doctor turned to her. ‘Louis XIV. One of Earth’s most
famous emperors, created the Palace of Versailles, the greatest in Europe. And,
also, he – ’
‘Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard of him. What’s he doing with your handset?’
Spinning to the navigation panel, the Doctor began setting
co-ordinates. ‘March 1679, a Dalek squad arrives in France thanks to a leak off
a time corridor to a later invasion. They can’t get back and… you know the
Daleks. They default to their priority order: blitzkrieg the dominant
life-form.’ He yanked the “GO!” lever
and the engines surged. ‘Thankfully for Louis the TARDIS can’t do chocolate –
ooh, what’s that..?’ The Doctor peered at a dial.
‘Chocolate?’
He banged the dial with the edge of his fist. ‘Ah, that’s
better. Yes, the TARDIS is a gorgeous thing and a joy forever but, as I say,
she can’t do chocolate. Monsieur Vauban’s chaps make the scrummiest in the
universe. So, I came out of the shop, it’s all kicking off and, long story
short, Louis and I are about to be separated so I gave him a phone to keep in
touch, help organize the defence. Then things got really out of hand.’
As Amy listened to his story she felt suddenly uneasy –
jealous – as she always did at these moments when something from the Doctor’s
past selves emerged. There was so much of him, hundreds of years of life,
things he’d done, that she’d never experienced. And when they did come up, like
this, she felt shut out – like the outsider among a group of close friends; the
one always smiling along; on the edge of all the jokes, all the things that
mattered.
‘So! Eye stalks everywhere, Dalek menace – toast. In all the
bonkers-dashing about-sonic’y stuff my phone got zapped. You know, I really
could’ve sworn that I’d got the other one back... Anyway, that was that.’
Amy swallowed her discomfort. ‘It’ll be awesome to take the
Versailles tour.’
‘Sorry, Pond. Versailles isn’t actually in Paris and it
wasn’t finished until..? 1682. And we won’t be around long enough for Louis to give
us a tour of anything. Believe you me, he’d want to because, frankly, the guy
is the biggest bore. And vain! Versailles had a Hall of Mirrors. Over two hundred of
them! Why d’you think that is? If he sees you it’ll take even longer to get out
of there so you’re staying put.'